Love the One your In

It's so easy to think about what body you'd like to have when really what we should be doing is love the body we have now. If you love the body you're in, then you'll take care of her, just as she's taken care of you all this time. Think about it for a minute. When you want to go somewhere, who takes you there? Your legs. When you want to do something who does it? Your hands. When you want to hold your child, who lifts her up? Your arms. When you want to kiss your husband who does it? Your lips. I could go on like this all day, but you get the point. Your body is worthy of your love because if helps you do all the things you do on a daily basis, asking nothing more in return then a little fuel to keep it going.

Celebrate the body you have. This stomach that gave birth to your child. These legs that take you where you want to go. These arms that hug and hold your family close to you. Now what do you intend to do to show this body how much you love her? By strengthening it! Become a stronger woman. Don't hate any part of your body, because that will just draw more negative energy to you. For me this has been difficult, I can't lie. My trouble spot that I have the most difficulty loving is my stomach. But this part of my body carried my baby for 91/2 months, nurtured and birthed her. I celebrate my stomach for her creative ability and intend to nurture and make her stronger and in turn make me a stronger woman.

Since I've been working on loving myself the way I am right now, I've noticed a change in my attitude toward everything. I feel much more upbeat and positive about life and about my ability to change into the person I am. Instead of focusing on the things I'm not, I focus on the things I am, showing myself that I am worthy of being celebrated and my body worthy of love right now. This makes it easier for me to accept love from my husband because now I feel worthy of it. I am a positive person; I can let go of guilt. I will enjoy what I have and not dwell on what I should be. This is my promise to myself.

Isn't that part of the golden rule? "Love thy neighbor as thyself". How many times do we love our neighbor more then we love ourself? We say things to ourselves that we'd never dream of saying to someone else, sometimes awful, hateful things. If you said those things to someone else, they wouldn't be friends with you very long, in fact would probably dislike you and avoid you. Why would you tell yourself something you wouldn't say to a stranger or your best friend. Things like: "You're such a fat pig" "You're don't deserve to treat yourself to a massage, you're too fat" "You so huge you can't sit in that chair" "Don't even think you can eat that, you're already too fat" and so on and so forth. These negative thoughts build up over time so that all you can focus on is how awful you are and how fat. This must stop and turn to love for yourself so you know you deserve to be different. So change that golden rule to "Love thyself as you love your nieghbor". If you wouldn't say it to someone else, don't say it to yourself! Instead, find positive things to say and ignore the negative voices and drown them out with positive affirmations. I AM BEAUTIFUL. I AM STRONG. I AM POSITIVE. I AM SMART. I AM PATIENT. I AM CARING. I AM LOVING. I AM ATTRACTIVE. I AM SEXY. I AM GENEROUS. I AM HAPPY.

So celebrate the body you have and as that old classic song goes; "love the one your with" or in the case of your body, Love the one you're In!

Taking Care of Me!

Yesterday was long day. I could feel myself starting to get sick for a couple of days, and yesterday I guess I felt the worst I've felt in a long time. I was able to nap when the girl went down for a couple of hours, but it really wasn't enough. I decided I really needed to take care of me, so I called out from work so I could go to bed early. I also took the time to make myself feel better about myself and bring lots of postive energy and good feelings to myself by taking a nice hot bubble bath. I surrounded the bath with candles and put lots of bubbles, and put some relaxing music on the cd player.

Then I sank back into the tub and just covered my body with the bubbles and ran the wash cloth over my body. I touched every part of my body and told it that I loved it. I love you shoulders, I love you elbows, you bend just right for my arms, I love you hands, you are beautiful and practical and can do so many things. I just did that for every part of my body, and then relaxed back when I was done and just thought good thoughts about how beautiful, sexy and wonderful my body was. I did not allow negative thoughts about myself or my body to enter my mind. I pictured my body at 140lbs and kept saying it over in my head until I could feel that body and see it in my mind. Then I let the water out of the tub, moved the candles around so they were higher and finished with a cleansing shower with cooler water and imagined all the negative energy and thoughts and feelings about myself washing away down the drain with the shampoo and soap.

When I stepped out of that shower I felt more refreshed and happy and healthy then I'd felt in a long time. Then I dried my hair and instead of putting on my ratty old nightshirt, I put on a sexy silk one that I never wore because I didnt' think I deserved to try to be sexy, and felt so good about myself wearing it. My husband wanted to know if I expected anything more, and I told him I didn't. I went to bed with a smile, imagining my body at 140lbs and wearing a sexy nightie just to sleep because I deserve it. This morning I woke up feeling much better! If you've never done something like this for yourself I highly encourage you to try it. It makes you feel so good and brings lots of positive energy your way.

I have never before done something like this for myself, and I haven't taken a bath in years, thinking myself too big, but it's always been something I enjoyed doing. I plan to do this for myself at least once a month. It will be my date night with myself! Next on my list? Massage!

Rainy Wednesday

What do you do when you feel like it's just not working after all? Like no matter what you do, it's not going to matter. It's such a negative attitude, and sadly the way I feel today. I'm not even sure why exactly. I think it comes down to patience, or lack thereof, to be exact. When it comes to other things in my life I know they take time and I'm willing to be patient and wait until the time is right, but with my weight loss I just want it over with and to post that "after" picture up. It's going to take a lot of work to get there, and I'm wondering if I'm going about it in the wrong way. The Bible says that "by beholding we become changed" which simply means that by focusing on something we change ourselves. So maybe I'm focusing on the wrong thing here. I shouldn't be focusing on losing the weight because then I'm focusing on the weight. I should focus on my goal and where I plan to be instead of the journey of how I'm going to get there.

Monday, Monday, Can't Trust That Day!

So the past couple of days have been a little off for me. Sunday I worked all day, which is pretty much the way it goes, so I dont' get anything else done, including any exercise. But I did pay for the exercise I did on Saturday! I'm still paying for it as a matter of fact! Not fun.

With fuel prices the way they've been lately, my husband and I invested in a wood/coal burning stove, and completely redid our heating system. We disconnected the oil furnace and oil based hot water heater, and replaced them with an electric hot water heater and the wood/coal burning stove. We have yet to buy the coal, but we have had wood stacked up beside our driveway for a couple of months now. Saturday we decided it was time to get it into the basement, since the weather is definately taking a turn for the COLD! So while my husband threw the wood into the basement through the little window (my idea, can you imagine lugging it all down there? Ugh!) I stacked it. I must admit this is something I'm quite good at, having been raised in a wood burning household and this was a yearly ritual with my parents and still is. Well stacking wood at 120lbs overweight is much different then doing it when you're a realitively fit teenager! My body is still recovering from that! When I swept and mopped the kitchen floor this morning I thought I was going to die!

So I guess that means I cant' skip my walk tonight, or tomorrow!! Luckily I found a buddy to walk with, so that ought to keep me honest! I'm very excited to start that particular ritual. It's always easier to stick to something when you know someone else is counting on you to be there for them too.

I've decided that my eating I need to watch calories more then anything else. So my caloric intake should be about 2000 calories to lose weight. I've found that to maintain my plumpish figure I'm consuming about 3100 calories per day. That's crazy! Once I start losing, I can decrease my caloric intake to about 1800 per day, but to do that now would put my body in starvation mode, which I don't want! Obviously I need to condition my body to expect less and use up the reserves on hand! I've taken to chewing gum when I'm bored so I won't eat. I think that probably saves about 500 calories a day if not more. So there's my tip for ya! If it works on the Biggest Loser, then it'll work for you too!

Shall we go for a walk today? Happy Losing!

Patience is a Virtue, so they say.....

It's a lot of work to lose over 100 pounds. It's not going to be easy, and it's going to involve a lot of sacrifice and changing my eating and exercise habits, and that's not easy either. The results will be worth it! Being able to see real difference in my size would be nice. But I don't' see any. I don't' have a scale right now, so I'm not able to weigh myself, so I don't know that I've made any progress. That's a bit discouraging to say the least.

Part of it is my fault for not being more vigilant in my exercising. It's the one thing that I hate more then anything else. I know I'm doing a great job not over eating and listening to my body when it says it's full and stuff, but while I don't mind exercising, the payout isn't there yet. I guess those endorphins they talk about coming after a lot of exercise don't come right away. I just feel very sore and tired after a workout. It doesn't make me want to do it again anytime soon. I keep pushing on because I want to see some results, but when you don't feel any different in your clothes, and you know that you're eating right and doing something active for at least 1/2 hour every day it's starts to get discouraging and you start to wonder if you'll ever get there at all. The doubts have starting coming! Like: maybe I really was meant to be fat and nothing I do will ever change that. It's not worth even trying to improve since it's obviously not working.

This is when it's even more important to keep my eyes on the prize, the reason why I'm doing this! I want to live life as a thin person and know what it's like to look great in clothes, love having my picture taken, be able to sit on my husbands lap, and feel better physically. I didn't gain all this weight overnight, I'm not going to lose it overnight either. I'm just so ready for it to be gone!

Dealing With Stressful Situations

When you're trying to lose weight, stress can be a real deterrant that you can't let get the best of you. If you do, then pretty soon everything will end up being an excuse as to why you can have that cookie or ice cream or potato chips or whatever else you crave when you're stressed. You're trying to cover up how you're feeling with food instead of dealing with the feelings and although they can seem overwhelming, it's better to deal with them then to let food become your therapist. Food only masks the feelings you have every right to feel. Don't let it have that kind of control over you. For too long I have. I would never deal with my emotions, I would just eat and suppress them.

This has been such a stressful day for me! I dont' even know where to start, and since this like most stressful issues, revolves around money I'm really in a pinch. So normally when I get as stressed as I am I eat. A lot. But today I didn't. In fact I cried and let it all out. I'm still upset about things, but I feel like I handled it more like a normal person would instead of trying to shove my feelings aside with something chocolate or just mountains of food in general.

I am also upset that I had to miss my massage today. I had been looking forward to it all week as a reward for doing so well with my eating and exercising. I plan to reschedule it for next week, but it still doesn't change the fact that I won't be getting one today when I've been looking forward to it so much.

I thought about posting a picture of a woman stressed, but I think Fridays will be my dishy man day, and so every Friday I'm going to find a picture of a man I think is hot and post it. Kinda makes me feel better! Besides, what better to look at when you're upset then a fine looking man? So here's another picture - looks a little stressed there doesn't he? but oh so good!

The Importance of Sleep

Yawn! I know I didn't get enough sleep last night. My fault once again because I know how important sleep is to my overall well being, but especially for weight loss. Last night I got about 7 hours of sleep. Most nights I'm pretty good at getting at least 8 hours of sleep. That is the amount of sleep that I need each night in order to function well during the day. Everyone is different. My husband only needs about 6 hours of sleep, but can manage on 4 if he has too. I would be walking comotose if I only got 4 hours of sleep and completely unable to function well on only 6. But getting enough sleep at night is more then just how well you can manage your day. It helps with weight loss too.

While you're sleeping your body is working to restore cell damage and rejuvinate skin, helps keep your immune system at its peak so you don't catch those colds that keep going around quite as often, and keeps your mind sharp and your body more willing and able to do more physical activities. The more we find out about how many benefits come from getting a good night sleep, the more we realize how much we need to respect our bodies need for it. Studies have shown that good sleep habits have been proven to have a restorative effect on the entire body, and help with weight loss.

"One such study regarding the connection between sleeping patterns and obesity was completed by the University of Columbia . They found that with:
. two to four hours of sleep a night - you are 73% more likely to be obese than the normal sleeper, who receives seven to eight hours of sleep a night
. five hours a night - 50% more likely to be obese
. six hours a night - 23% more likely to be obese
. ten-plus hours - 11% LESS likely to be obese (than the normal sleeper)
The theory behind the data is that sleep deprivation can affect the hormones responsible for hunger (Ghrelin) and satiety (Leptin). A lack of sleep can cause a rise in the levels of Ghrelin (with a decrease in Leptin), which triggers overeating. Also, getting plenty of rest replenishes the body so that it can function efficiently each day, which includes a boost in metabolism. " (http://www.dietnation.com/)

Another thing that we are told in the journey to lose weight is to listen to our bodies. To stop eating when we're full and to nap when we're tired. Your body knows how much sleep it needs. Listen to what it's telling you and go to bed earlier so you get the amount of sleep you need for optimal health and well being!

Success is Believing!

Believing that you can do something is half of the battle. Believing that something good will come to you will bring that good to you. Successful people aren't the ones who have it handed to them on a plate, they're the ones who make that meal from scratch, all the while believing they have the ingredients they need to make the meal on that plate a reality. Thin people don't worry about where they're going to find the strength to say no to that unnecessary piece of food. It never crosses their mind that they might eat it because they don't need it and they don't see themselves that way. So changing your mind set from believing that you are depriving yourself by saying "no" to food, to believing that you don't need it is fundamental to being successful. In changing your thinking you change yourself.

One way that this has worked for me is the fact that I am now a very happily married woman with a beautiful daughter. When I turned 30 I felt like a complete failure. I had ended a marriage 6 months prior that had almost destroyed me, and was just starting to believe in myself again and that I might actually be worth something to someone. I was still overweight, but I didn't let that stop me from believing that I was going to find someone who would love me the way I am and give me a child. By my 31st birthday I had met the man I was going to marry, who did indeed love me for the person he saw underneath, and by my 32nd birthday, although I didn't know it then, I was pregnant with our beautiful daughter. My belief that this was what my life held made it happen for me, but it didn't happen until I truly believed it would and made it my focus. Looking back there is so much more I could have achieved with this mindset, but for now it is enough to know that I have been successful at something. That gives me the power in my belief that I will be successful in this next journey as well. Losing 100 pounds.

Thousands of people have done it before me. What makes them more special then me? The fact that they knew they could do it. I read a blog recently, although I don't remember exactly where, but the woman had written that one day she just decided she was going to be thin and then she was. She said there was no other way to describe her transformation, other then that she had decided she was going to be thin, she believed she would be, so that is what she became. And so I shall become as well, for I believe it will be so. I am thin and beautiful and powerful and strong and I love myself enough to be so.

Vision of Myself

Hiding inside this fat body of mine is a beautiful, vibrant woman who is aching to be released and freed from her prison of fat. She's not sure what is holding her back from being released. Her prisoner has a fear of the unknown of life as a thin woman. She's been cooped up in this fat body for so long that she's forgotten what it's like to be thin, but she wants to be free to experience it again.

This woman loves the outdoors, hiking, running, boating, swimming, horse-back riding, walking and enjoying the sun.

Breathing fresh air deep into her lungs, she enjoys each of the above knowing that she is strong and can do each as long as she wants. She is able to make love for hours in many different positions because she is so flexible and strong and comfortable in her body. Sex is better and lasts longer and she is able to leave her partner wanting more.

She is not afraid of what other people think of her and isn't afraid to be a bitch when necessary. She will not allow herself to be taken advantage of because she loves herself too much. The opinions of people she doesn't know are not important to her and she lives only to please herself and her family. She can stand up for herself and is strong enough to stand up for those she loves. She doesn't "go with the flow" to keep the peace. She is not afraid of a fight, she may not want it but she knows she is strong enough to handle one should it come her way and emerge victorious.

She has confidence that her body will not break if she falls. She is flexable and able to touch her toe to her nose and maybe even put a leg behind her head if she wanted. She looks people in the eye with confidence, knowing that she doesn't have to measure up to their standards and if they don't' like what they see they can look elsewhere. She is physically active and strong. She has enough confidence in her self-worth so that she doesn't need to eat for any reason other then that she is hungry.

She is smart, sexy, strong, sensual, loving, capable, beautiful and confident. She is ME.

You start by taking the first step:

The journey towards becoming what you know you are starts with taking those first steps. For me, those steps are listening to my body and what it really wants, and not charging ahead with what I think I should do, but doing what I actually need to do. It's putting myself first so that I can love my family better. It really is true that learning to love yourself changes how you think. Being positive about your accomplishments and what you hope to accomplish really makes difference in what you know you can do. If you're always beating yourself up for failures, and focusing on those then you end up feeling like you really can't do what you're trying to accomplish and guess what? You won't!

My journey has been really long and taken a lot of detours and backtracks but I finally feel like I am on the right path once again toward loving myself and becoming the person I was always meant to be.

Being overweight makes you invisible. You wouldn't think that it would, since you're so big it's kinda hard to miss you, but that really isn't hte case. Overweight people are looked past and not exactly acknowledged. If you are, you wish you hadn't been noticed because the looks you're given and the comments you hear as you walk by are not flattering. I wasn't always this way. It wasn't until my teen years that the weight started to creep on, and not until my late 20s that I really packed the pounds on.

My heaviest weight was at 310, which I ballooned to during a short and painful marriage. I was married to a man who didn't even love me, and who I married because I was afraid that if I didn't accept his offer I'd never get another one. The most painful periods of my life were during this time. I was out of my element, away from my friends and family, and even though I didn't remember eating that much, I know I was because the weight was packing on my small frame. I still remember the time I went to the movies with my sister in law and a car full of guys driving by yelled for me to move my lard ass out of the way and asking my sister in law why she hung out with me.

My birthday that year, I turned 29 and we went on a harbor cruise in Boston Harbor. There's a picture that was taken with my brother, and when I saw it later I couldn't believe how huge I was. I didn't feel like I was that huge. But the pain within was definately showing on my outside. My face is so deformed by fat you can't even tell how pretty I am. A month later, while at my sister's wedding my husband told me he had never loved me. The wedding is a total blur, a time when I should have been able to be happy and focus on my sister's happiness I was so miserable and upset that I just cried and stayed away from my sister as much as possible because I didn't want to rain on her parade. During the wedding, which I was of course a part of, I stood there with tears streaming down my face, unable to stop them as she married the man of her dreams and my husband wasn't even there. He deliberately stayed away to hurt me and tell me that he didn't love me. The pictures of my sister are beautiful, and I have a few that I treasure with both of us, but I was miserable and it showed.

Two months later I filed for divorce, after 3 marriage councelors and a lot of tears, anger and shame. Things started to turn around for the better not long after that. I started exercising at CURVES and managed to lose 25lbs before the divorce was finalized, exactly a week after our first anniversary. I moved out of the city and back to where I felt more like me. I continued to lose weight until I was comfortable with myself again, although it was no where near where I eventually wanted to be. It was about 260.