The journey towards becoming what you know you are starts with taking those first steps. For me, those steps are listening to my body and what it really wants, and not charging ahead with what I think I should do, but doing what I actually need to do. It's putting myself first so that I can love my family better. It really is true that learning to love yourself changes how you think. Being positive about your accomplishments and what you hope to accomplish really makes difference in what you know you can do. If you're always beating yourself up for failures, and focusing on those then you end up feeling like you really can't do what you're trying to accomplish and guess what? You won't!
My journey has been really long and taken a lot of detours and backtracks but I finally feel like I am on the right path once again toward loving myself and becoming the person I was always meant to be.
Being overweight makes you invisible. You wouldn't think that it would, since you're so big it's kinda hard to miss you, but that really isn't hte case. Overweight people are looked past and not exactly acknowledged. If you are, you wish you hadn't been noticed because the looks you're given and the comments you hear as you walk by are not flattering. I wasn't always this way. It wasn't until my teen years that the weight started to creep on, and not until my late 20s that I really packed the pounds on.
My heaviest weight was at 310, which I ballooned to during a short and painful marriage. I was married to a man who didn't even love me, and who I married because I was afraid that if I didn't accept his offer I'd never get another one. The most painful periods of my life were during this time. I was out of my element, away from my friends and family, and even though I didn't remember eating that much, I know I was because the weight was packing on my small frame. I still remember the time I went to the movies with my sister in law and a car full of guys driving by yelled for me to move my lard ass out of the way and asking my sister in law why she hung out with me.
My birthday that year, I turned 29 and we went on a harbor cruise in Boston Harbor. There's a picture that was taken with my brother, and when I saw it later I couldn't believe how huge I was. I didn't feel like I was that huge. But the pain within was definately showing on my outside. My face is so deformed by fat you can't even tell how pretty I am. A month later, while at my sister's wedding my husband told me he had never loved me. The wedding is a total blur, a time when I should have been able to be happy and focus on my sister's happiness I was so miserable and upset that I just cried and stayed away from my sister as much as possible because I didn't want to rain on her parade. During the wedding, which I was of course a part of, I stood there with tears streaming down my face, unable to stop them as she married the man of her dreams and my husband wasn't even there. He deliberately stayed away to hurt me and tell me that he didn't love me. The pictures of my sister are beautiful, and I have a few that I treasure with both of us, but I was miserable and it showed.
Two months later I filed for divorce, after 3 marriage councelors and a lot of tears, anger and shame. Things started to turn around for the better not long after that. I started exercising at CURVES and managed to lose 25lbs before the divorce was finalized, exactly a week after our first anniversary. I moved out of the city and back to where I felt more like me. I continued to lose weight until I was comfortable with myself again, although it was no where near where I eventually wanted to be. It was about 260.
My journey has been really long and taken a lot of detours and backtracks but I finally feel like I am on the right path once again toward loving myself and becoming the person I was always meant to be.
Being overweight makes you invisible. You wouldn't think that it would, since you're so big it's kinda hard to miss you, but that really isn't hte case. Overweight people are looked past and not exactly acknowledged. If you are, you wish you hadn't been noticed because the looks you're given and the comments you hear as you walk by are not flattering. I wasn't always this way. It wasn't until my teen years that the weight started to creep on, and not until my late 20s that I really packed the pounds on.
My heaviest weight was at 310, which I ballooned to during a short and painful marriage. I was married to a man who didn't even love me, and who I married because I was afraid that if I didn't accept his offer I'd never get another one. The most painful periods of my life were during this time. I was out of my element, away from my friends and family, and even though I didn't remember eating that much, I know I was because the weight was packing on my small frame. I still remember the time I went to the movies with my sister in law and a car full of guys driving by yelled for me to move my lard ass out of the way and asking my sister in law why she hung out with me.
My birthday that year, I turned 29 and we went on a harbor cruise in Boston Harbor. There's a picture that was taken with my brother, and when I saw it later I couldn't believe how huge I was. I didn't feel like I was that huge. But the pain within was definately showing on my outside. My face is so deformed by fat you can't even tell how pretty I am. A month later, while at my sister's wedding my husband told me he had never loved me. The wedding is a total blur, a time when I should have been able to be happy and focus on my sister's happiness I was so miserable and upset that I just cried and stayed away from my sister as much as possible because I didn't want to rain on her parade. During the wedding, which I was of course a part of, I stood there with tears streaming down my face, unable to stop them as she married the man of her dreams and my husband wasn't even there. He deliberately stayed away to hurt me and tell me that he didn't love me. The pictures of my sister are beautiful, and I have a few that I treasure with both of us, but I was miserable and it showed.
Two months later I filed for divorce, after 3 marriage councelors and a lot of tears, anger and shame. Things started to turn around for the better not long after that. I started exercising at CURVES and managed to lose 25lbs before the divorce was finalized, exactly a week after our first anniversary. I moved out of the city and back to where I felt more like me. I continued to lose weight until I was comfortable with myself again, although it was no where near where I eventually wanted to be. It was about 260.
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